The Yogi Empath: Refilling Your Cup and Setting Boundaries

Krishna states to Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita that there are three kinds of charity:

“Charity given selflessly to a worthy person at the right time and place is in goodness.

Charity given grudgingly to gain some advantage is in passion.

Charity given to unworthy people, at an improper place and time, without care or respect, is in darkness.”

-BG, 17.20-22

As I have been developing my spiritual journey in connection to my physical yoga practice, my Reiki practice, and also as a Montessori guide to children I have times where I feel as if I am giving myself physically, emotionally and energetically to the point of depletion. Being an empath, I naturally want to give and please and help those around me and the causes I care deeply about. My cup starts full and usually with the intention of giving selflessly. Over time my cup slowly drains for others in my life and I am left feeling airy and ungrounded.

I have been reflecting on this part of myself and asking myself, “How can I refill my cup? What do I need to do differently to still feel energized and be able to show up better for myself?”

I refill my cup by practicing asana, japa bead chanting meditation, kirtan meditation with others, reading sacred text, and eating right. I realized though that as a yogi trying to follow a spiritual path I have taken on this idea that I cannot rely on anyone else to help me fill my cup and I can only fill it up myself through these spiritual practices. Sometimes we cannot get through situations alone; we need our loved ones to hold us, be present for us, and to simply say, “I’m sorry you’re having a rough day.”

I’ve discovered that I need this as a way to refill my cup in addition to my spiritual recharge practices. Following a path of peace, tranquility, and spiritual discovery cannot be done alone. We need others to help guide us toward the light, whether it be a spiritual teacher or just a close friend. Those on a giving path, whether you’re a yoga teacher, a reiki healer or even a teacher or nurse often hold space for others with good intentions. We need someone in our lives to hold space for our feelings also. I personally need to be around those I love who bolster me up when I am feeling blue; those who can be present physically and emotionally yet give me the space to feel what I am feeling.

From recent experience, I’ve found that I have to sometimes let my people know that I am needing their presence. Communication is key for any relationship whether it be parent/child, a partner, or a friend. What can we give to each other and how can we give each other what we need in order to feel and receive love and energy? Starting the conversation with your person or people is the first step to getting what you need to refill your cup a little bit. Maybe you need more physical presence: your partner physically sitting next to you while you cry or process emotions, or hugging/showing affection to you while you process. Perhaps you just need their emotional presence to validate your feelings for example to say “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I love you.”

From now on I am calling this spiritual recharge practice in addition to refilling my cup from the presence of those I love my Energetic Diet.

Another aspect going into being an empath and doing acts of charity is setting boundaries. Not all charity or giving is created equal. I have only come to reflect on this in the past week. I typically say “yes” to helping in any way I can at my school, but this has come to feel heavy and dark. I realized after reading this Bhagavad Gita verse that perhaps the charity I was giving in certain situations at my work was out of passion or even darkness. It is okay to say “no” to your boss, your partner, your friend, or your colleague. We can always say “no.” Being honest about what I can give and how much I can give to my work, for example, will save me from becoming depleted from giving too much and from giving with the wrong intentions.

Sit, reflect, breathe. Ask yourself, “What do I need in this moment, in this day, in this week, in this situation to feel like my energy cup is refilled?” I like to list out what situations deplete my energy vs. what refills it so I can see what exactly I need. Also ask yourself, “How much can I realistically give today? When do I need to back off and take space for myself?” Maybe question next time you’re asked to help, “Am I helping selflessly, out of passion to gain something, or giving out of darkness?”

I’d love to hear what you do to refill your cup and set boundaries!

OM TAT SAT